All over the world it is considered ‘normal’ for women to give birth to children. It is also ‘normal’ to view children as the future of a family, a village, a town, a nation, the world even. It is therefore hard to understand why children had to wait until November 20 1989 for the Convention on the Rights of the Child to be accepted by the United Nations.

I live in a rather wealthy western European country, Belgium. We have separation of religion and state. Child labour is forbidden by law, although there are infringements. We have strong legislation against child abuse and any form of violence against children. All children are guaranteed schooling until the age of 18. We even have a special telephone helpline for children where they can ask for information, for help, or a talk about their problems. A coalition of organisations works for children’s rights and for some years there has been a civil servant with special responsibility for children’s rights.

Of course, Belgian children on average enjoy a much better life than millions of children in the non-western world. But there is a gulf between theory and practice. To begin with, there is a difference between social classes, the rich and the poor. Of course it looks irrelevant whether you wear clothes from an ordinary shop or from a very well known, exclusive and expensive one. But in reality it is not! Children are teased because of their ‘poor, vulgar’ clothes; they don’t belong to the group of those who are considered the elite. Exclusion occurs for other reasons, such as racism, discrimination against immigrants (even if they are third generation and have Belgian nationality), against refugees – in brief against everyone who is not lucky enough to belong to the ‘right’ group or, by extension, who is not tolerated or labelled as good and useful, by that elite.

One out of ten Belgian children is a victim of some kind of abuse. Child abuse is the second most common cause of child deaths; and more than 80 per cent of child abuse happens in the family. That is one of the reasons why many cases of violence are not reported: children don’t want their fathers or mothers to be punished nor do they want to be separated from their parents.

Nevertheless, statistics still show that children living in Belgium live a better, happier life than millions of other children. But children don’t live in statistics; they live in real life. That means that those who are discriminated against really suffer. Belgian children not only have a right to education; they have an obligation to undergo it. In practice we see that the more academic education, preparing children for high schools and universities, attracts mainly ‘white’ pupils, children from the upper and middle class. Vocational schooling leading to manual labour is mainly for poorer groups, the ‘immigrants’ (no matter how long in Belgium), whose roots are not Belgian, nor even European, or who come from the new EU members in Eastern Europe. Although everybody will tell you how important manual work is for the economy of a country, vocational schooling is in practice considered inferior.

In addition, girls from this disadvantaged group tend to be sent to schools where they are prepared for traditional ‘women’s work’. Their freedom to leave their homes is often restricted, so that, as a result, their opportunities to mix and play with native speakers of the language are limited, and then they learn the language less well. All schools are officially gender-mixed, but the schools that teach housekeeping skills have few male pupils and are thus an obvious choice for parents who want to keep their daughters apart from boys.

So while we have laws that attempt to give equal opportunities to all children, the practice is different. Of course, it seems logical that parents should be able to choose a school for their children, and I am not suggesting that the Government make that choice, but there is still a long way to go to make both parents and children aware of their freedom and the possibility of moving away from a conventional model.

Let’s have a look now to the ‘average’ Belgian children, and I presume that it is about the same in other Western countries. They have enough to eat, live in decent houses, have beds, parents and toys, and go to school from the age of 3 until 18. They can make choices about what to wear and what to eat and have access to a range of information, including information about their own rights. Most children are wanted by their parents who have usually chosen to have only one or two offspring, a family of more than three being exceptional. Parents read books and watch television documentaries about ‘good education’. They all want to be the best parents in the world. They try really very hard. Often both parents have a job outside the home, and after work they pick up their children from nurseries or schools. They arrange for the children to attend after-school music classes, sport clubs or other improving activities.

Parents and children are stressed because they have to run from one activity to another, and of course children do protest. Sometimes they are just hanging around at home. Just hanging around is seen as negative; parents want their children to play and they buy them a lot of toys. But they also want their play to be constructive, so they buy educational toys that develop particular skills in the children. Unfortunately, this removes all initiative on the part of the children. The result is very spoiled children: little princes and princesses who are totally egocentric.

In some cases this may be an exaggeration, but it is not completely untrue. I want to plead for the right of children to be bored! Nobody likes to be bored, of course, but it is a great stimulus and opportunity to find something to do for oneself. The child learns to make choices: perhaps to learn that it can be enjoyable to spend time with others and that – if more people are involved in doing things together – everyone needs to agree rules. Children should also have the right to fall and hurt their knees, or even to break arms or legs. They need protection from real dangers, of course, but they need to discover for themselves the limits of behaviour. They are so overprotected that play is no longer fun: Their expensive clothes could become too dirty, or worse, torn, and of course they could hurt themselves. But by exploring your possibilities, you learn to accept that you are not necessarily good at everything you would like to do; by playing with others you can learn responsibility towards them; you can also learn that in order to be respected you have to respect others in turn. Of course, some children will try to bully or terrorise others, and then adults should intervene – they should ensure that the children do not imitate the grown-up world! But at the same time children must learn to live with frustrations, victories and defeats. And every adult knows that this is part of life.

We often apply double standards: we arrange beauty contests for babies and children. They are dressed as mini-starlets. Fashion models sometimes start work when still only 13! And yet at the same time we are afraid that people might think teenagers older than they really are. And those who ape the dress and behaviour of their elders are condemned by public opinion, yet at the same time there is no opposition to the exploitation of human beings for commercial ends.

Then there is the problem of teenage mothers. When we allow youngsters the right to explore and give expression to their sexuality, it is absolutely necessary to give them sufficient advice to lead them to behave responsibly, and they must also have access to contraception.

And finally I come to education. It is indeed necessary for all children to be educated, not only in schools, but also at home. They need to be educated in how to behave towards others, how to care about them. They must learn the meaning of solidarity, empathy and respect for others, and at the same time they must have respect for their own bodies. They must learn that children have rights but also limits to freedom. They have to learn that in society there are not only rules to regulate questions of life and death, but also everyday rules which can sometimes look silly or absurd, but which can in fact make life more workable. We have to teach our children that only tolerance will lead to a democratic and humane society, and that it is sometimes necessary to allow people to be extravagant or simply to behave in ways different from those that are called ‘normal’, provided such behaviour does not endanger others.

Education is a never-ending struggle to impart rules, values and norms without forcing their acceptance, to provide a framework for building a life that feels comfortable and allows space for others. We have to improve children’s rights all over the world.

Respecting children’s rights doesn’t mean spoiling children. We don’t want them to grow up as selfish, irrational adults, who think only about themselves and neither care about others nor struggle for a better society. But we must also protect them from abuse and from being made to work like adults. We must not ignore their own wishes and needs.

The children’s treaty is there; it’s our duty to make nations, people and individuals respect it.

Sonja Eggerickx is President, IHEU